


What We Don't Say

by AckrelCraw



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Forgotten Realms, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Crushes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Just two good platonic bros who care about each other, M/M, sometimes the guys gotta talk about their feelings and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AckrelCraw/pseuds/AckrelCraw
Summary: Felaern, newly appointed as the royal guard to crown prince Ehrendrud after saving his life, spends a long first night waiting outside the prince's room. However, Ehr's loneliness gets the best of him and, against protocol, he invites the ex-hunter Fel into his room for a chat. Although they have much to hide from each other, they slowly let down their walls and connect over their pasts.
Relationships: Felaern/Ehrendrud
Kudos: 4





	What We Don't Say

**Author's Note:**

> Felaern and Ehrendrud are both original characters I'm playing in separate Dungeons and Dragons campaigns that are taking place in the same universe. Although as of now they're separated due to circumstances I'll be able to reveal later, hopefully in due time they can be reunited : )
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3

If there was anything about the grandiose castle that Fel wasn’t expecting in his first night watch as a newly appointed royal guard, it was the chilling silence. As long hallways extended almost endlessly, wrapping their way around the smooth-hewn stone, the air within felt as though it had been sucked out. The cobalt and emerald gilded carpets soaked in all sound from the outside world, such that even the chirping crickets the wood elf fell asleep to within the High Wood fell mute. It seemed the prince’s room was far from the rest of the palace’s noisy inhabitants, perhaps as a way to protect the next in line for the throne, or to prepare him from the isolation of ruling. Fel hadn’t quite figured it out yet. 

However, this meant that there were no other guards in sight, just him patrolling the long passage with the cold stone of the floor muted against his leather boots. He knew that his shift was going to go on for another four hours until he was finally allowed to leave his post and drift off to his trance. Still, that didn’t stop a bored yawn from working its way up his throat. How did the king, or anyone for that matter, expect him to remain fully attentive for half the night with nothing to do but stand? It didn’t seem fair as far as he was concerned. 

Taking a peek around to make sure no one was watching, Fel slid back against the wall and slumped against the ground, pulling out a small block of cedar wood he’d snagged from a woodworker finishing up some repairs. The blade of his hunting knife glimmered in the moonlight as he drew it from the sheath he was supposed to keep his standard-issue dagger in. It wasn’t a perfect fit and it rattled around a bit sometimes, but nobody needed to know he was carrying it. He tapped the flat edge of the knife against his chin in thought, pondering what his next project should be. A boar, maybe? No, that seems too on the nose, or, too on the snout even? Nah, he still needs to work on his jokes-

“Hello? Is this thing working? Can you hear me?” The knife jumped out of Fel’s hands in shock, clattering resoundingly against the wall before almost landing tip first into his lap. The voice wasn’t coming from the hallway or inside the room, it was directly inside of his brain to an uncomfortably clear degree. He clambered up to his feet, head whipping back and forth as he drew his sword and called out down the corridor.

“Wh- I- what the hell is happening? I’ve got more questions for you than you do for me, so you better start coughing up some answers!” He pointed the sword in front of him, watching for invisible assailants. From within the prince’s room he heard a jubilant cheer, and then the voice returned to his head, this time as an excited whisper.

“Yes, I’m so happy it worked! Now I can bother you all night long while you’re on guard duty, just as planned.” The cheery voice tinged with a mischievous note sounded all too familiar, and it finally clicked.

Fel turned to face the door, banging on it twice. “Ehr, is that you? What kind of demonic spells have you been learning to get inside someone’s head like that? It’s kinda weird but… kinda soothing at the same time?” He paused, considering his overall opinion. “I don’t know if I like it yet.”

The unmistakable sound of Ehr’s bright tones came through distinctly. “I wasn’t expecting soothing, but it’s just a simple messaging cantrip. As long as you’re close enough and I have a general idea of where you are, we can always talk to each other. It took a couple of failed experiments and a whole lot of covert research to do it, but I finally figured it out. 

Seeing that no other guards had heard the commotion, Fel went back to sitting on the floor, retrieving his knife which thankfully hadn’t been dented in the fall. It took him a while before he knew how to respond, having expected an entire night alone in his own thoughts. “So, um, couldn’t fall asleep, your highness?”

It was strange having to wait in pure silence for Ehr to reply. He was almost afraid that the prince would cut off all communication and that he actually  _ would  _ end up sitting there alone for the entire night. However, he was relieved to hear the message return, albeit with less enthusiasm than before. 

“I’ve been living in this room for a long time you know. But still, it doesn’t really feel like it’s my room. I think someone else is supposed to live here, a different child who this belongs to. Sleeping in a stranger’s bed isn’t exactly comfortable, so sometimes I just lie awake until I’m too tired to worry about that anymore.” The weight between his words rested heavily against Fel’s chest and upon his ribs. There was a confession there, but it wasn’t one he fully understood just yet. “Sorry, that was a lot to drop on you at once, huh.”

The hunter spoke to the tapestry hung up on the wall, hoping his words reached Ehr’s ears. “We’ve all got baggage of our own, buddy, you’re not alone. The only time I felt like I slept in a room that belonged to me was in my cabin near the edge of the forest. However, that only lasted a few weeks before, well, I got conscripted to be your personal bodyguard and protector of Everlund.” Even though he knew that the mage couldn’t see him, he gestured grandly to the fortress before him to emphasize his point.

“Do you regret having met me that day in the High Wood, Fel?” Ehr asked, placing the question carefully before him. “If you never ran into me, I might have given up on my quest and went back to Everlund, and you would’ve been able to return to your life at home. Then, you could have avoided ending up being a knight of this palace for, I don’t even know how long.” They both knew that the discussion was going to come up eventually, but Fel was surprised to hear Ehr be the one to let it out into the air so soon. He’d only had a few moments to think about his answer between the entire whirlwind of events: learning about Ehr’s true identity as the crown prince of Everlund, tracking him back to the palace to seek compensation for saving his life, and then getting caught and thrown in jail, only to be defended before King Zoar by the same person who got him into this whole mess in the first place.

Caught up in his reminiscing, it took Fel a second before he remembered that he was continuing a conversation. “I think some part of me was supposed to be angry at the world for dragging me out of my own life and dropping me here. That half of me shakes its fist at life, cursing it for taking me away from the existence I tried to build for myself. That part regrets ever meeting you.” Silence from Ehr, drawn out by the frozen passage of time that long, lonely nights bring.

“Then there’s the other half of me that sees things from a different perspective. Sure I was trying to start anew in life by my own rules, but it was a life of isolation. After everything that led up to me getting kicked out of my old home, if I could even call it that, I didn’t think making any new connections would help make the new place I lived in feel any more like home. But, of course, you waltzed into my life, and I’m starting to rethink that sentiment.”

The ranger’s hands had been working of their own volition, and although still dusted with wood shavings, the sharp-edged block had slowly melted into the vague suggestion of a beast. He gently cupped his calloused fingers around the cedar wood and blew on it, watching the remnants of the old form carelessly drift off towards the ceiling. 

“There’s no rule saying you have to guard me from outside my room.” Ehr’s voice crept back in hesitantly, as though he was in the process of weighing pros and cons before he relented. “You can come talk with me in here if you’d like; plus it’s probably a little less unsettling. Honestly, I’m getting tired of having to constantly concentrate on this spell.”

The quiet scraping of the knife halted, and Fel arched his head to look over at the stately door separating the two of them. “Well, if it’s easier for you, and you can’t sleep anyways then, I guess there’s no harm.” He pushed himself off the ground with ease, and yet, a nervous lump grew in his throat. Leaning back on the balls of his feet, he pushed open the door and stepped inside Ehr’s room.

For a room meant for a prince with the option of being fitted with the finest furniture available, it felt comfortingly minimalistic. A plain oak bookcase sat against a wall in the opposite corner, and through his elven darkvision, Fel could see that the tomes mostly consisted of tactical volumes and historical biographies. As he walked in further, Fel noticed a painting of a younger Ehr hung up on the wall to his right. He was weighed down by excessive frills that threatened to consume his small figure, a position he seemed to despise as evidenced by his displeased scowl. Moonlight came through in the shape of a broken cross from a window by Ehr’s bed, brushing the gentle curve of the blonde human’s jawline. In sheer contrast to his portrait, the wizard was wearing simple nightclothes that swayed over his thin frame. Bare feet swung over the wooden frame of the king-sized bed as the prince’s eyes traced Fel’s suit of royal guard armor, newly commissioned for his exact size. 

White polished leather boots and vambraces stood out brightly against a green and olive striped tunic, while a sharply cut cloak gilded with metallic ornate designs rested on his shoulders. The royal oak displayed its colors brightly over his chest, as well as on a golden badge pinned to a deep blue military beret. Shifting slightly under his watchful gaze, the sheaths for the elf’s iron longsword and dagger clanked together, and his silver kite shield peeked out from behind his back.

As Ehr tapped his fingers against his legs, a mischievous smirk poked up on the corner of his lips. The dark-haired elf crossed his arms at the human’s sly eyes, returning with a defensive half glare and asked, “Everything up to your standards, then?” The blonde’s smile lifted up, and he nodded his head approvingly.

“I have to say, they really fit the curve of your torso very well. Clearly the royal tailors of Everlund took great care to highlight your best features despite your supposed assassination plot against their beloved crown prince.” Fel couldn’t maintain his scowl after that, facepalming in the hopes of concealing his embarrassed smile. 

“I take it back- I think I’m actually starting to regret this position. Where do I apply for my resignation?” He placed a hand back on the doorknob, turning it ever so slightly before Ehrendrud interjected with a laugh, running over and holding his arms out to dramatically halt the wood elf’s exit.

The human, with a beaming grin across his face and mirth in his chest, declared before Fel, “As the crown prince of Everlund I hereby forbid you from leaving your post. From here on you must allow me to bother you with late-night conversation and fight deadly monsters with you! Any attempts to run away will result in you being forced to go out and fight even more fire-breathing hogs.”

“Well, if I remember from last time,” Fel placed his hands on his hips, puffing his chest out and straightening his back, “I practically single-handedly defeated the last one we faced, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” His pomp dissolved as a question arose in his head, one he’d been meaning to ask for a while. “But, if I wanted to leave, would you let me? I’m okay with being here for now, and it’s not like my job beforehand was particularly lucrative, but I’m still trying to figure out whether I belong here or not. I don’t even know if I’ll be accepted here, considering that to everyone else I’m just some country bumpkin picked up from a hermit’s shack.” His proud smirk twisted into a sour grimace as the poise of his spine fell limp.

Ehr’s expression was difficult to pin down, but he patted the spot on the mattress beside him, inviting Fel to join him. The royal guard hesitated for a moment before sitting next to the prince, searching for an answer in his emerald eyes. Ehr exhaled with tender breath, reassuring him, “Of course Fel. I would do everything in my power to help you leave if that’s what you wanted. Just because I’m a prince doesn’t mean I want you to think that I have any power or control over you; that’s not how I want things to be between us. I don’t care what the other council members and nobility think- that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be your friend. Even if you weren’t here, I’d still be glad that you saved my life and left me happier for knowing you.” The wizard had difficulty maintaining eye contact with Fel, so his gaze fell into his own lap. A rough thumb ran over Ehr’s clenched knuckles, warmly grazing over burnished burn scars, evidence of their fateful encounter. Curling up his arms and along his spine, a shiver tingled with bright electricity at their contact, jolting Ehr’s heart into double time. 

The wood elf’s breathless voice tickled Ehr’s ear, and he swore that their shoulders weren’t this close just a second ago. Fel didn’t understand what overcame him, but the desire to feel the results of his sacrifice upon his fingers and by his side swelled inside his chest. 

“You said that this room belongs to someone else, but still, I feel safer next to you here than I ever did at my old house. “Maybe it wasn’t supposed to just be your room, but you were supposed to share it with someone else.” The unknown desires of the young man across from him began to reveal themselves beneath the pale moon, and his words ventured forth upon uncharted seas.

The blonde’s head tilted up slightly, enough to see Fel’s ruddy cheeks in the faint light. “Okay, sharing a room might not be exact, but at least letting someone else in. Maybe, a place only feels like home when you invite the right people.”

Something overwhelming sparked between them, and Ehr recoiled nervously, heart thudding against his chest. The words barely escaped his lips between blood vessels running hotly. “We, we can’t do this, Fel. My father... he wouldn’t allow this. This isn’t- I’m not like that, okay? There are limits.” It killed Ehr, tearing himself away from the comforting warmth of the hunter’s presence, but his intimacy burned his skin in an unfamiliar way. Where Fel’s arm had once been snug against Ehr’s, a chill swept upon his nerves beneath the royal guard’s garb and stole the air from his lungs.

“That’s not what I meant, okay?” Fel defended, pulling back as he tried to catch his breath, but leaning in as soon as he filled his lungs. “However, if this is about your father and his stupid rules, I still think he’s a raging dumbass. You deserve better than how he’s treated you, damn it, and I despise how he’s trying to rob you of your dreams.” His hands clutched Ehr’s loose nightshirt, and a fire burned in his forceful, nearing desperate eyes. He needed to get through to Ehr. He needed this. “You can’t spend all of your time locked up in here at his beck and call. Damn your duty to this kingdom, if I’m not just your guard, then you’re not just my prince. You’re my friend, Ehr!”

His cry shattered the room’s pensive silence, echoing against the walls. Ehr’s lips parted in stunned silence, his emerald eyes wavering as he stared back at Fel’s resolute copper irises. Grounded to reality by the hunter’s determined grasp, Ehr found that honesty came to his lips more readily than before. “Truthfully, I don’t entirely know how I feel about you, Fel. A few things are certain in my mind, but with you, everything else is unfamiliar territory. Your presence confuses me in ways that evade conventional answers, and it doesn’t help that my father hasn’t been very helpful in educating me. I’m sorry, I need some time before I can separate the king’s influence from my own life.” Hanging his head low, the wizard sighed into his crumpled shirt. Fel’s grip loosened as he let one arm fall by his side, his other hand held against Ehr’s heart. He grimaced with guilt in his rough, shaking palms, lowering his tone to match the stillness of twilight. 

“I thought I was alone in the confusion department, but I guess that’s not true. You’ve already let me into your room, so maybe that’s a good start for us getting to really know each other. If we keep on being open with each other, and stay vulnerable, as hard as that is, we’ll figure it out eventually.” His fingers tensed, contracting with the pang between Fel’s ribs. “So, thank you for opening your doors to me, or something like that.”

Suddenly, the reverberating clank of metallic boots outside the door shook them from their reverie, and Fel’s heart sank into his stomach. “They’re going to execute me if they find me here” he gasped, pushing himself off the bed. The pounding in his chest flooded his ears as he scrambled to leave and hopefully return to his post before he was caught and sent to the chopping block. He felt a hand grab his wrist and keep him from leaving, dousing the raging fire of guilt creeping up on his conscience. 

“Please, stay,” Ehr pleaded, tightening his grip on Fel. The royal guard’s indecisive eyes flickered between the door and the prince but eventually settled upon his friend. The runaway carriage of his thoughts found its reins in Ehr’s touch, and he froze between the exit and Ehr. With spine-tingling leisure, the footsteps stopped in front of the door, casting a deafening silence upon the room. Then, after a few breathless moments, they continued their way down the hall. 

The two released a collective sigh, and Fel returned to his seat beside Ehr, guided by his hand. “I know I said I would help you leave if you wanted to,” the prince explained, “but you shouldn’t have to leave because of someone else. It should be of your own free will, and only when that day comes will you have to go. You would have said the same to me…” He trailed off, still clutching Fel’s wrist protectively. The intrusion had disturbed their temporary sanctuary, but Ehr was determined to hold on to it for as long as he could afford.

Drowning in an almost unbearable amount of appreciation for the mage, the half elf scanned the room in an attempt to come up for air, landing upon the portrait of young Ehr. A chuckle bubbled up from his throat, and he leaned against Ehr, pointing up to it with his free hand. “I can’t believe they got you to wear that stupid thing. It looks like you’re about to fall over under all of that lace. You poor soul.” He shook his head, tsk-tsking in mock sympathy.

“Hey!” Ehr admonished, ears burning red with a pout. “Don’t avoid the conversation, come on. When I first met you, I swear you were wearing a whole animal carcass. You have no right to shame me for whatever my parents put me in!” He let go of Fel’s wrist to punch him in the arm, sticking his tongue out at him. 

Fel raised his own fist with a conniving grin, warning, “Are you sure you wanna do this, scrawny boy? I’ve killed many a beast with brute strength, and I’m willing to take down another one.” Fel swung with a feint right over Ehr’s pretty hair and he yelped in surprise, scrambling over the bed to the other side. 

“Come on, scared already?” Fel taunted with a smile as he threw off his hat and boots, unclipping his weapons in preparation. With a bright laugh he pushed off the mattress and bounded over to catch his quarry. 

“Oh no, anything but the boomerang boy!” Ehr shrieked, giggling as he dove over to the right to avoid Fel’s pursuit. However, the hunter was used to snagging runaway creatures, and he scooped up the wizard in a single motion. With a heave he tossed him back on to the bed, flopping beside him with a renewed fit of laughter. Their eyes crinkled with collective joy as they rolled to face each other. A swell of pride met their puffed chests, and the two grinned. 

Far more luxurious than anything he had ever slept on in his life, the feather-soft mattress engulfed Fel. Clearly, Ehr was also feeling the effects of the bed as his back arched in a long, languid stretch. Between a wide yawn he admitted, “I think after that... I’m finally tired enough to sleep. Honestly, it was hard drifting off imagining you standing outside my door all alone. However, now that it’s all settled, I can rest easy.” With his limbs sprawled across the open expanse of the mattress, Fel watched the rise and fall of Ehr’s chest to the tempo of his serene breathing. 

An unexpected pang of jealousy overcame him, and he rolled over once towards the wizard, an idea resting on his lips. With a breath, Fel asked, “Could I maybe just... nap here for a bit until the end of my shift? We mentioned sharing a room and well, worse comes to worst I can just guard you from right here. Only if that’s okay though.” Adrenaline began to creep into his bloodstream, the same nervous sensation he felt as he anticipated the violent trampling of the gargantuan boar. However, this time, he knew what he might lose if he pushed things too far. 

Ehr’s eyes immediately widened, more restless than rested. He stammered over his words as he leaned over to one side, half hiding his face now squished atop the bright blue pillow cover. “I mean, I guess there’s no harm in that. There’s plenty of room on the bed so, you know, make yourself comfortable. At least this way you won’t be alone, right? That’s important.” Shutting his lips before he overshared, Ehr lifted up the blanket scrunched up at the end of the bed and pulled it over them. He felt the mattress shift as Fel settled in and, mustering the courage, lifted his gaze to the hunters’ face. Greeting him with a sleepy smile, Fel’s lips expressed a softness that Ehr had never seen before. Snugly beneath the warm covers together, Fel and Ehr both came to the realization separately that this was the first time they had really shared a bed with anyone else. 

Ehr returned to hiding his face under his pillow, while Fel bit his bottom lip, watching the mage’s soft blonde locks bounce around with the movement. He twirled a finger through his own dark hair, finally trimmed by a barber after he’d been pulled from his month apart from greater civilization. Through the haze of drowsiness, Fel whispered “you- you said earlier that you weren’t ‘like that’ and… I’m sorry for pushing things too far. I totally get it, you know. You don’t have to worry about anything. We can just be friends, that’s cool.”

There was no response from Ehr, and the silence drove itself between Fel’s ribs like an icy knife. Beneath the blanket his fingers clutched the sheets the same way he’d grasped Ehr, as though he were digging his nails into the wooden planks of a capsizing ship. Why couldn’t he have roped in his stupid forwardness towards the prince sooner? 

As regrets flooded his anxious mind, he felt a finger rest on his shoulder, and saw Ehr facing him, but still looking down. The mage’s words were careful as he muttered, “it’s hard to know for sure, you know? My father and mother have very particular ideas for the lady I am to be betrothed to, and I guess I just went along with whoever they said I was supposed to end up with. It's not like I grew up with these things on my mind like some of the other princes I've met who are obsessed with their future bride. I just expected that one day I was going to rule with a hand-picked queen by my side, and left it at that. My studies and magic always took first priority, but ever since you've been so nice to me, I feel like there's something I'm missing. Something that would be dangerous not to deny...” 

A hesitant admission was left hanging in the cold air, a confession buried beneath layers of undertones. Ehr couldn’t bring himself to divulge something so easily, but he knew that any underlying subtlety would be lost on Fel if his intentions weren’t true.

Fel’s hand found Ehr’s beneath the covers, and his fingers curled in the gaps between. Between their nerve endings electricity crackled, threatening to burn them, but this time they held fast. The prince found that Fel’s calloused hand had a tender quality in the way it melted in his grip, while the hunter explored the resilience of Ehr’s soft palm, clutched with a daring grasp. A thumb smoothing over rough knuckles, index fingers wrapped around each other, the current between their arms...

The memories were all too familiar, Fel recalled. The phenomenon the hunter knew Ehr referred to manifested itself in the same ways: anxiety-ridden half-glances, furtive acts of affection, compliments that nudge boundaries just a bit too far. In every interaction, secrecy was of the utmost importance. Reveal too much, and you risked losing control of your hard-earned restraint. 

The prince had given the reins to Fel, granting him free reign over whatever this meant for them. 

Fel meant to lean forward, to draw Ehr closer, and claim their bond. The notion of the motion willed itself into potential action, begging to finally be released. It would be so easy to drink as much affection from Ehr as he was ready to return. However, just as it had always been, the expectant cold dagger prodded his heart when he considered such a bold move, and he froze. Rearing its head, the instinct of self-preservation long nailed into his skull over the years pulled him back. This was his opportunity, a chance for a different outcome, but he couldn’t bring himself to take the leap. Ehr’s rising pulse beat heavily beneath Fel’s grip as the mage held his breath, waiting for some recognition, a sign. All Fel’s lungs would allow him was a strained apology to an unasked question. “I’m sorry, not yet.”

The disappointment in Ehr’s wilted lips stung Fel’s cheeks, and for the first time, he was glad they weren’t making eye contact. The prince’s bright tone had dimmed, but the flicker of hope remaining made Fel look up, greeting vivid eyes. The warmth glowing in his round ears settled the chill curling Fel’s stomach, and the mage replied, “It’s okay, we have time. There’s no rush anymore, so we can go at whatever pace we’re comfortable with. Just like you said, as long as we’re vulnerable with each other, we’ll be okay, right? So, don’t stress about it. I’m happy right where we are.” 

In slow waves, the languid pace of Fel’s brain accepted this compromise. The leaden weight of his regret rested comfortably upon his pillow. Fel mouthed two words, “thank you,” and squeezed the wizard’s hand. There was a time for emotional revelations, sure, but they both had had enough of that for one night. Ehr himself seemed too worn out to do anything but relax his friend’s unsettled conscience, eyelids fluttering with the weight of sleep. Withdrawing his hand from Ehr’s in slow steps, Fel placed it over his own chest, his friend’s warmth reaching his heart. The prince curled his fingers into his palm, descending into dreams of all of the other nights they might share. 

The setting of the moon leaned below the window above their bed, granting them a darkness in which the eyes no longer fret over sight. Instead, they both felt the vibration of the wind’s humming, urging them to sleep so that it may sing for them the next day. For the first time since Fel had escaped his old home, and Ehr had abandoned all hope of running away from his current home, they looked forward to hearing its aria the next morning. 


End file.
